


on the calm of the ocean

by dirtmemer



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: M/M, aquarium dates, this is romance btw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-17 05:40:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17554433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirtmemer/pseuds/dirtmemer
Summary: On Mikaze Ai's definition of romance:"I think he just hates everyone." –Camus"Aiai is trying his best!" –Kotobuki Reiji"I like you, so go out with me." –Kurosaki Ranmaru





	on the calm of the ocean

**Author's Note:**

> this is romance okay

"Hey," Ranmaru says, almost off-handedly. "Go out with me." 

"I'm sorry," Ai says, "but I can't." 

 

*

 

Ranmaru has three different basses. His favorite one is old, well-worn and loved, beautifully polished despite all the scratches on the paint, carefully maintained. 

"This is my old band bass," Ranmaru tells him, and says, "Yeah, you can touch it." The hold he has on the neck of the bass is gentle, almost ginger. 

"I shouldn't," Ai murmurs. It must mean a lot to Ranmaru. Ai shouldn't touch things like that. 

Ranmaru puts the bass in Ai's lap, anyways. He carefully positions Ai's hands, his fingers strong and steady. Ai's palms touch smooth varnish, polished scrapes. It's warm under his hands. 

"Like this," Ranmaru says, and pulls Ai's fingers into a strumming position. "Pluck. C'mon, gently." 

Ai's fingers brush against wire strings. They're rough like Ranmaru's palms and fingers are rough. He strums the bass, once. It makes a low reverberation, a deep noise thrumming through the air. 

"See?" Ranmaru says. "Not that hard. It's a good sound, isn't it?" 

It is a good sound. Under the harsh fluorescence of the studio lights, Ranmaru's hair glints bright. Ai strums the bass again, and revels in the slow wave of the sound in their silence. 

 

*

 

Ranmaru's first confession came as a surprise. It was winter, right after a long day at the recording studio, playing around with sound bytes and backing vocals without amounting to anything much. 

They walked home together, after that. Ranmaru had stopped halfway, breath coming out in white tufts, his face half-hidden in his scarf. He had said, "I like you, so go out with me," in all earnestness. 

Ai had said, politely, "No thank you." 

Ranmaru didn't seem surprised, then. He had sighed, face turned upwards, towards the pinks and yellows of the evening sky. He shoved his hands into his pockets. His jacket was dark, and his hat was dark. His glasses were neat, thick frames. He hadn't bothered to put his eyeliner on. 

"I thought so," Ranmaru had said. "I had to get it off my chest, though. We mesh well together, right?" 

"Please don't misunderstand," Ai had said. "If I were paired up with any other person, I would still behave in the same manner. Everything within the agency is work. Please don't flatter yourself too much." 

Ranmaru snorted loudly. "That's not what I meant, jesus. And I know that, I've seen you work with Camus. I just like you. That's all." 

Ai had stopped, then. Ranmaru trailed behind him, slowly, before stuttering to a halt. There were people around them. All around them were noises, chattering students wandering around after school, young children hand in hand with their parents, the chime of convenience stores opening and closing their doors. 

"There are a lot of things you don't know about me." 

"I can learn," Ranmaru said. 

"If you learn," Ai said, "You might not like me anymore." 

Ranmaru laughed. He chuckled, briefly, like Ai had said something funny. "I'll still like you." 

"You don't know that for sure." 

"You don't know that I won't like you after I learn more about you for sure either." 

Ai twined his fingers together. It was cold. Ranmaru's nose was steadily turning pink in the chill. 

"We don't know a lot about each other," Ai had said, finally. "That's why I won't date you." 

Ranmaru had kept quiet, then. When Ai turned around, he was staring at a person walking their cat across the street. "Hey, Ai," he had said, suddenly. "I won't stop asking. Is that okay?" 

"I already said no," Ai said. His tone sounded a little frustrated. He reigned it in hastily. "I mean. Why would you continue asking me when I've already refused?" 

Ranmaru shrugged. "If you tell me you don't like me, for sure, then I'll stop." 

Something had flared in Ai's chest. He opened his mouth, wordless. Ranmaru's hair fluffed up around his head like a silver cloud. His glasses had started to fog over. Ranmaru was surprisingly subdued, waiting for an answer. 

Ai didn't know how to answer Ranmaru. He didn't know how to stop giving Ranmaru grief over this topic. He bent his head, his processors warm from thinking about it. 

Around them, it started to snow. 

 

*

 

On Wednesday, Ranmaru shows up late to the studio. He apologizes, shaking snow from his hair doggedly, cradling his bass bag in his arms. Ai waves him off, focusing his attention on tuning the backing vocals of their song. The chorus of their voices mix well with the gentle guitar. That's what Ai thinks, anyways. 

Ranmaru sits down. He looks damp. He says, miserably, "The snow melted in my hair." 

"You could take a taxi," Ai says. He fiddles with his synth. Ranmaru sneezes, face scrunched up in disgust. 

"They're fucking expensive," Ranmaru says. "I can walk." 

"You're going to get sick." 

Ranmaru sneezes again. He looks like a disappointed and wet cat. "Maybe I will." 

"Well," Ai says, finally. He doesn't have a towel, but he does have a heating function. It would be troublesome if Ranmaru fell sick. "I wouldn't like it if you got sick, so come here." 

Ranmaru squints at him. "What're you gonna do?" 

Ai sighs. "I'm warm. Come here." 

Ranmaru doesn't move. When Ai looks at him, there's surprise on his face, his mouth parting slightly. Ai feels undeniably impatient with Ranmaru's hesitation, so he stands from his chair and moves across the room to sit in Ranmaru's lap. 

Ranmaru moves his bass away to avoid a collision. His face is cold when Ai touches it. His heart rate is a little too fast. He must have walked very quickly, since it was snowing. Ai cups Ranmaru's face in his hands, trying to angle his palms for wider coverage. 

"Uh," Ranmaru says, from between Ai's palms. 

"You can touch me," Ai says. "I'm warm. You should warm up your hands." 

"Hmm," Ranmaru says. He puts his hands on Ai's waist, gingerly. "You know, we should go out for lunch one of these days. Like ramen or something." 

"I don't like ramen." Ai shifts slightly in Ranmaru's lap. Ranmaru swallows, loudly. His throat must be dry. His breathing takes on a slightly erratic edge, fluttering wildly. 

"Rice, then," Ranmaru finally says. "I know a good place that has really good gyoza. I'm hungry." 

Ranmaru's lap is surprisingly comfortable. The hard muscle of his thighs makes a nice seat. Ai almost closes his eyes. "You're always hungry," Ai says, full of memories of Ranmaru demolishing everyone else's share of food. "Okay. We can get gyoza." 

"Cool," Ranmaru says. There's a weak edge to his voice. "Is Friday good?" 

"Friday is acceptable." Ai checks Ranmaru's temperature, touching his fingers to Ranmaru's neck. Ranmaru holds his breath for no particular reason. Ai deems Ranmaru to be sufficiently warmed, so he slides off Ranmaru's lap to go back to what he's been working on. 

"Cool," Ranmaru says again, sounding strangled. "It's a date." 

When Ai looks back at Ranmaru, he notices that Ranmaru is strangely flushed. His ears are red. He worries that he might have gone a little too far with the heating function. Ranmaru hunches over, tugging his jacket down. 

"No it's not," Ai tells him. Ai would be more annoyed with him, but it really looks like Ranmaru might need some water, so he goes to get Ranmaru a bottle of water from one of the vending machines outside. 

 

*

 

Ranmaru is late again on Friday. 

Ai has to wait for him outside the shop, huddled in a thick jacket. The snow leaves clumps along the road, brownish grey and muddy, footprints stamped onto the surface. 

Ranmaru arrives five minutes and fifty two seconds late. He apologizes. Ai shrugs him off. They order their food, shuffling in their seats inconspicuously. 

"I got distracted," Ranmaru says. "I saw a bird and it's cold out, so I followed it." 

Ai rearranges the chopsticks and the soy sauce and the gyoza sauce. Ranmaru fumbles with his phone with cold, clumsy fingers. He unlocks it eventually, pointing it towards Ai. There's a blurry picture of a tiny little sparrow on the screen, wings spread in flight. 

"It flew away when I got close," Ranmaru says. 

"I see," Ai says. "That wasn't very smart of you." 

"Hey," Ranmaru says, only half-indignant. "I was worried about it. It looked lonely." 

"It's a bird," Ai says. Their food arrives at their table. They murmur their thanks. Ai passes Ranmaru a pair of chopsticks. Ranmaru pours the gyoza sauce. Ai puts half his rice into Ranmaru's bowl. "You shouldn't anthropomorphise animals, Ranmaru. It's a bird. That's all." 

Ranmaru takes a bite of his rice. "I know," he says, "that it's a bird. But sometimes when you see things that're small and fragile, you get worried." 

Ai frowns at his bowl. He takes a bite of rice. Then he takes a bite of the gyoza. It's still hot, steaming into the air. Ai swallows a mouthful of burning gyoza, and says, "You worry too much about things that don't concern you." 

"Sometimes," Ranmaru says, waving his chopsticks in the air idly, "it's a good thing." 

"It's not bad," Ai says. "Though you shouldn't be so concerned about a bird. You'll catch a cold." 

Ranmaru studies him for a moment. He steals one of Ai's gyoza, popping it into his mouth whole. "You don't have to worry about me," he says, chewing noisily. 

"It would be troublesome," Ai dissects a gyoza into two perfect halves, "if you got sick. We don't meet up very often, but Reiji and Camus are hard to handle on my own." 

Ranmaru laughs. "I thought I was the troublemaker." 

"I prefer you to Reiji," Ai says, gazing down at his gyoza halves. He eats another bite of rice. He wonders if Ranmaru will make him eat all of this, or if Ranmaru will steal his portion away. It would take Ai a lot of unnecessary effort if Ranmaru wanted him to eat. 

Ranmaru snorts. "Reiji is just loud. I prefer him to Camus. But I still like you best." 

"No." 

"No?" 

"I won't date you," Ai says, "if that's what you're going to ask next." 

"It was," Ranmaru says. "But it's okay. I'll try harder next time." 

"Please don't," Ai says. 

Ranmaru smiles. He steals another gyoza from Ai. "But I like you. And when you like someone, you should show it." 

Ai sighs, pushing his plate towards Ranmaru. "Is it really that simple?" 

Ranmaru shrugs. "Give me the rest of your rice if you don't want it," Ranmaru says, and proceeds to polish off Ai's meal for him. Ranmaru told him not to worry, but Ai is a little worried anyways, watching the way Ranmaru's fingers clench around his chopsticks tightly. 

Ai wishes Ranmaru would stop hurting himself like this. "I'll pay the bill," Ai says instead. Ranmaru wraps his hands around his cup of tea, and says nothing. 

 

*

 

"I'll tell you a fact about myself if you tell me one about you," Ranmaru says. They're on a break, halfway through a photoshoot for their upcoming album. The photographers bend over their computers, pointing and murmuring. People around them are busy with movement, adjusting the lights, tripping over cables, making polite requests for coffee over their phones. 

"Why would I want to do that?" Ai says, scrolling through the professor's texts to him. It seems like he needs a checkup soon. He doesn't like those. 

"You like facts, right?" Ranmaru takes a long gulp of water. Sweat beads on his neck, even though it's winter. 

"I like scientific facts," Ai tells him. 

"Maybe I have a scientific fact for you." 

"How scientific can you be, Ranmaru?" 

Ranmaru laughs. "You got me." He rubs the back of his neck with his gloves still on. He's probably making the leather wet with perspiration. "Humor me! I wanna learn more about you." 

"Hmm." 

"C'mon." Ranmaru tugs on Ai's fringe. Ai swats his hand away irritably. "I'll start. My mom used to hate me. There was a time, after my dad died—she wouldn't talk to me at all. Did you know that?" 

"No," Ai says, softly, "I didn't." 

"Yeah." Ranmaru sinks into his chair with a sigh. "I mean, I was a pretty shitty kid, too. I think we were all just in shock, after my dad died. People mourn in different ways, but it felt like she really hated me. So I joined my band and bought my bass, right? She got really mad and she slapped me, right across my face. Also she threw my bass across the room and kinda ruined it. But then she told me she loved me, right after. And I knew she was telling the truth, because she was apologizing and she looked like she would cry." 

"Oh." 

"I mean," Ranmaru says, fiddling with his gloves, "anyone can say something that sounds like they really mean it. But she bought me my band bass. So I thought—man, this wouldn't have happened if she'd just told me she loved me, you know? So that's why ya gotta tell people stuff." 

"They don't have to believe you when you tell them." Ai pulls his knees up against his chest. "Anyone can say something that sounds like they really mean it. How do you trust them?" 

Ranmaru closes his eyes. "It's a leap of faith." 

"That sounds complicated." 

"Feelings," Ranmaru makes a vague gesture, "are complicated. I have those. Feelings, I mean." 

"Yes," Ai says. "Like hunger. I think you meant emotions." 

Ranmaru snorts. "Same difference." 

"Not really." 

"Whatever! It's your turn. Tell me a fact about yourself." 

"Well," Ai says, feeling tumultuous. He shifts his legs. Ranmaru looks at him calmly, waiting for an answer. Ranmaru really isn't as rowdy as people often seem to think he is. Ai thinks, if he were to date Ranmaru (which he won't), it would be nice to discover the sides of him that he keeps locked away. "I... like jelly." 

It's a stupid thing to say in reply to Ranmaru's poignant story. Ai almost blushes from embarrassment. But Ranmaru smiles, tilting his head, looking like Ai's just told him the answer to the unique games conjecture. 

"I'm sorry," Ai tells him, bewildered, with himself and with Ranmaru. 

"No," Ranmaru says, still smiling. His voice is soft. "Don't be." 

The next day, they don't meet at work, but someone's left a cup of jelly in Ai's corner of the studio. There's no note. Ai takes a bite. The sweetness spreads slowly from his mouth down his throat. 

 

*

 

There's a park that Ai likes to frequent, two blocks from the Shining Agency building. It has a small playground and a few trailing paths half-covered in bushes. Sometimes when Ai is feeling particularly uninspired during a late night of writing and rewriting melodies, he sits on top of the slide to watch the moon. 

Somehow, Ranmaru finds him there. 

Ai is watching a video on his phone when he hears the crunch of footsteps. It's two in the morning. A quick analysis tells him that it's Ranmaru. 

"What are you doing here?" 

"Could ask you the same thing." 

"Are you stalking me?" 

There is a snort of laughter. "Don't flatter yourself." 

Ai peers down at Ranmaru's fluffy head. He looks tired, in the soft light of the moon. Ai pauses his video. 

"Working late tonight?" 

"Aren't we all," Ranmaru says. He fishes a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. "Mind if I smoke?" 

"Go ahead," Ai says, politely. 

Ranmaru lights his cigarette. The flame floods his skin with a red glow. Ranmaru cups his hand over it, almost gently, before letting it flicker out. 

"What are you working on?" Ranmaru asks. Ai watches him take a drag of his cigarette. He blows out the smoke slowly, misting up into the crisp winter air. 

"Nothing special," Ai murmurs. He bends his fingers together. "Just an opening theme for some drama production." 

A cat jumps out of a bush. It hisses at something behind it, scampering off into the depths of the park. Ranmaru finishes smoking and puts it out against the metal of the slide, dropping the cigarette butt into the pocket of his jacket. The slide ladder squeaks when Ranmaru climbs up behind Ai. 

"This is unsafe," Ai says. He hears shuffling and the platform creaks. "Ranmaru. We're going to fall if this collapses." 

Ai hears nothing but shallow breathing. Ranmaru smells like cigarette smoke and stale coffee. Ai thinks he's been awake for a while. 

"Ranmaru?" Ai almost flinches when he turns and sees Ranmaru hovering close behind him. With this proximity Ai can see the bags under his eyes. 

"I'm cold." 

Ranmaru slips his hands into his pockets. His voice is quiet. He kneels on the platform, wood and metal scraping against his jeans. 

Ai twists around to face forward. "Sit down." 

There's a brief awkward moment with them both wriggling around to fit comfortably on the small platform. The slide creaks dangerously. Ranmaru sits behind him, legs bracketing Ai's, arms sliding around Ai's waist hesitantly. 

"Is something wrong?" 

Ranmaru rests his head on Ai's shoulder. His hair tickles Ai's cheek. "Nah," he says, his breath ghosting against Ai's neck, "just tired." 

"You shouldn't overwork yourself," Ai says. 

Ranmaru chuckles. "Says you." 

It's different, Ai thinks. They can't be held to the same standards. They're different. But he can't tell Ranmaru that. It's a leap of faith he can't take. His chest hurts a little. "Old people tend to need more sleep than younger ones," he says instead. 

Ranmaru's arms tighten around him, briefly. "You saying I'm old?" 

"You're older than me." Technically, it's true. 

"Brat," Ranmaru mumbles. When Ai touches the back of his hand, it's icy cold. "You're warm." 

"I tend to run warm," Ai says. He twines his fingers between Ranmaru's to warm them up more efficiently. When he exhales, it's a thin cloud of frosty breath. "You should have dressed warmer." 

"Doesn't matter." 

"You'll get sick." 

"Doesn't matter." 

"Ranmaru," Ai frowns. He grips Ranmaru's fingers tightly. "You should take care of yourself." 

Ranmaru laughs. He laughs like Ai's said something amusing, but Ai can't figure out what's so funny about what he's just said. 

"I like you," Ranmaru says. His voice is thin, almost a whisper. 

Out of all the people around them, Ai thinks Ranmaru would be better off with any one of them rather than Ai. If Ai were to quantify himself and the rest of the world, he would be a zero, and anyone else would be any number above that. The probability of Ranmaru being happy with Ai when Ai is a zero indicates impossibility. 

Ai gazes out at the park. Everything is so quiet. Achingly still. Ranmaru's fingers remain cold. 

"You should reconsider," Ai says. 

"Not in a million years," Ranmaru says, his arms tight around Ai. 

"Really," Ai says, clenching down on Ranmaru's fingers. "You should reconsider." 

 

*

 

"You like the ocean, right?" Ranmaru asks, suddenly. 

Ai blinks at him. 

"What are we talking about?" Reiji says, shoving his way into the conversation. They're on a break for the talk show they're participating in. Reiji brims with restless energy. Camus is adding sugar cubes to his cup with miserable desperation. 

"I don't dislike the ocean," Ai says. "It's rather calming." 

"Great," Ranmaru says, "because I have two tickets to the aquarium." 

"What about me!" Reiji says. "I wanna see fish!" 

"Then buy your own ticket," Ranmaru sneers. 

"You're so cold, Ranran!" Reiji whines. 

"The aquarium isn't really relative to the ocean," Ai says. 

"It has fish," Ranmaru says, at the same time Reiji says, "It has fish." They look at each other, Ranmaru with horror, Reiji with approval. 

"Anyways," Ranmaru says, shoving Reiji away, "I thought we could go. It's a day off for both of us. I checked your schedule." 

Ai shrugs. "Okay." 

Ranmaru grins. "It's a date." 

Reiji blinks at them. Camus sips his tea with a resolute crunch. 

"No it's not," Ai says. 

Camus lowers his cup with a smirk. "Are you sure he even likes you, Kurosaki?" 

"Aiai doesn't like anyone!" Reiji says, optimistically. He shakes his arms in the air. "I'm sure he hates us all equally. Right, Aiai?" 

"Maybe he hates Kurosaki a little more than the rest of us." 

Ranmaru rubs the back of his neck. "I'm working on it," he mumbles. 

"Gross," Reiji says at the same time Camus says, "Disgusting." Reiji looks delighted. Camus avoids Reiji's gaze. 

"You wanna fucking fight, you pasty bitch?" 

"No fighting on set!" Reiji shakes his head. "Remember last time? We got into so much trouble." 

"That wasn't my fault! Hey, wait—Ai, where are you going?" 

Ai's chest hurts. "I'm buying a drink," he says, keeping his voice neutral. He keeps his pace steady. Not too fast, not too slow. Ranmaru stumbles after him, saying, "Wait, I'll come with you, hold on." 

Ai makes his way outside. He passes by various people: the camera crew, the makeup artists, the directing crew. He nods at them politely. They titter, hands covering their mouths, says: "How polite!" Ranmaru follows close behind, not bothering to greet anyone. 

The vending machine hums. Ai bends down to stare at the glass. An unnamed hurt curls inside him. It feels bad. He buys a coffee, collecting it at the bottom. He snaps the tab over the can, takes a sip, passes it to Ranmaru. 

"Thanks," Ranmaru says. 

"If we date," Ai says, crossing his arms over his stomach, "they would be worried." 

"Yeah," Ranmaru says. "I know that. I mean—I don't have the best reputation. My temper's pretty bad, sometimes. And I always eat all your food. You eat like a bird, did you know that?" 

Ai uncurls his arms. "That wasn't what I meant." 

Ranmaru shrugs. "It's okay. But really, you should eat more." 

"I think," Ai whispers, almost to himself, "that you're just confused." 

Ranmaru leans down. "Hmm?" 

"Nothing. Let's go back inside." 

 

*

 

They take the bus to the aquarium. 

The map of bus schedules and the aquarium layout sprawls across Ai's lap. Ranmaru knocks his shoulder into Ai, playful. 

"Which route do you want to take?" Ai stares at the map. Different routes are highlighted in different colors. There are quite a few starting points. 

"Anything's fine." 

"We can go to the touch tank first, if you want." 

"Sure." 

The bus rumbles on peacefully. It's not the holiday season—just a quiet weekday. There's almost no one else on the bus. Their quiet chatter is barely heard, even to each other. 

"Have you been here before?" 

Ranmaru stretches. They hop off the bus. Ai thanks the bus driver. "Nah. Not this one." 

"I see. Then we'll both experience something new." 

"Yeah," Ranmaru says, smiling. 

They start at the touch pool. It's quiet in there, barely any people. Starfish rest on the shallow edges of the pool, lining the sand. 

"Do you wanna touch em?" 

Ai shakes his head. "I'm not very good at—with live things." 

"Just touch em," Ranmaru says. "Here—" he holds Ai's hand, tugging him towards the pool. Gently, he guides Ai's hand under the surface of the cold water. Ai's fingers brush against the underside of the starfish. It doesn't move away. Ranmaru lets go of Ai's hand. Ai doesn't move away. The starfish retracts its leg gently, curling against Ai's fingers. It's alive. Ai strokes its leg again. It's alive. 

Ranmaru wipes his hand on his jeans. "Wanna touch the sea cucumber?" 

Ai follows Ranmaru's finger, pointing at a sea cucumber. He feels his eyes widen, in wonder. Everything's alive. Ai nods, almost eagerly. 

Ranmaru leads him there, gently. The sea cucumber is a vastly different sensation against Ai's fingertips. It's soft, for one. Squishy, if Ai applies enough pressure. It wriggles slowly away from Ai when it decides it's had enough. 

"Ranmaru, that was—" Ai begins. He can't finish his sentence. Ranmaru watches him, his smile soft under the fluorescent lights. 

"Yeah," Ranmaru says. "I know." 

That's all they say. Ai retracts his hand from the water, wiping it on his jacket. Ranmaru crosses his arms, waiting for Ai patiently. Ai takes hold of his elbow and leads him across the room. 

The next room has many display cases. The tall ones have seahorses and jellyfish. The smaller ones have bright tropical fish, flitting around corals. Ai can make out tangs and bannerfish and angelfish. A worker greets them, from their perch on top of a ladder, dropping artemia into the seahorse tank. The seahorse float around, snap crackling as they eat. 

"They're loud," Ranmaru says. 

They watch the seahorses suck up the artemia. The seahorses twine their tails around the corals, around each other. They bump into the glass a lot. Ranmaru laughs, says, "Don't they remind you of Reiji?" 

"When he eats," Ai says. "They're the same." 

Ranmaru fumbles with his phone. "I gotta take a picture." 

Ai turns back towards the seahorses. They float with the water current, twirling gently in the tank. The corals sprawl on the bottom of the tank, vivid colors, a mess of bright branches and waving grass. Ai watches them until he loses interest. When he turns, Ranmaru's phone is pointed at him. 

"What are you doing?" 

"Taking pictures," Ranmaru says. "Let's go look at the other tanks." 

They move from tank to tank. The windows are big. Ai reads the pamphlet, then the plaques. Ranmaru leans against him, arm around Ai's shoulders. 

"I like jellyfish," Ranmaru says. "They're cute. And they're delicious." 

"They don't have brains." Ai points at a jellyfish trying to wriggle upwards. "Like you." 

Ranmaru tugs at Ai's fringe. "You're such a brat." 

Ai smiles. "I like jellyfish too. Don't try to eat them here. You'll get us kicked out." 

"I won't," Ranmaru says quietly. He's smiling too. They're both smiling. "Wanna go to the next exhibit?" 

Ai nods. Ranmaru's arm is still around his shoulders. It's hard to walk like this. Ai keeps his hold on Ranmaru's sleeve. 

"They don't have marine mammals here." 

"Huh?" 

"Dolphins. And whales. They don't have them here." 

"Did you want to see them?" 

"Not really." Ai adjusts his grip on Ranmaru's arm. "It's too small for them, anyways. A whale is too big to be contained." 

"Let's go see the octopus," Ranmaru says. His arm slides off Ai's shoulders. Ai keeps his hold on Ranmaru's sleeve. "And the crabs." 

"It's the other way." 

Ai leads Ranmaru down the hallway. The deep sea exhibit is colder than the other exhibits. Octopi curl their tentacles around rocks, hiding in their little nooks. Giant spider crabs scuttle around. Ruby snappers swims into view at the port windows, and disappears back into inky darkness. 

Everything is quiet. 

Tubeworms poke their heads out from beneath the sand. Ai spots a squid, swimming by leisurely. 

Ranmaru's breathing is slow, peaceful. When Ai turns to watch him, he holds himself with a quiet grace, half-hidden in the shadows. 

It's cold. 

"Ranmaru," Ai says, "give me your hand." 

Ranmaru holds out his hand, patient and unperturbed. 

"I'm cold," Ai explains. Ranmaru's hand is cold too. Their fingers curl and slide against each other. Like the octopus. 

"Let's go see the big tank," Ranmaru says. 

They go. The big tank is gigantic, the biggest tank in the whole aquarium. In Ai's maps and pamphlets, the big tank is always listed as the last attraction. The most wondrous spot. The one where memories are made.

The lights are bright, here. Schools of fish swim, slowly. Through the thick glass, Ai sees occasional flashes of blue. Ai spots the familiar shapes of grouper and sea bass. The fish swirl and scatter, roaming slowly through the water. There are so many of them. Every single one of them, every single living creature, organic and breathing. 

Then the whale shark swims into view. 

"Wow," Ranmaru breathes. Ai agrees. The whale shark's pale belly floats above them. The size of it is immeasurable, at first. When a manta ray glides by, spans longer than the shark, Ai understands—the beauty of the ocean is the beauty of unfathomable things. Ai can try to calculate the precise width and depth of the tanks, can try to quantify the manta rays and whale sharks and dozens of other fish. But it's the wonder, welling up inside him—that's the emotion making all of this glide together, propelling him forward. Ai watches the slow flapping of the manta rays, the leisurely rolling of the whale sharks, feels uncomputable joy at their graceful flips. He feels himself smiling. Everything is big, and small, and alive. _He's alive_. 

"Ranmaru," he tugs on Ranmaru's hand, "did you see? It was beautiful." 

The luminescence lights something in Ranmaru's expression. Ai thinks—maybe it's beautiful, too. 

"Yeah," Ranmaru says, softly, his face turned towards Ai. "I'm watching." 

Ai turns back towards the tank. They stand there for a while, watching the sharks and rays and fish twist through the water. 

"Hey," Ranmaru says, the soft glow of the water filtering over his features. His grip on Ai's hand tightens. "Go out with me." 

"I—" Ai stumbles over his words. "I can't. Ranmaru, I can't." 

"Why not?" Ranmaru sounds a little frustrated. He rakes his hand through his hair. "Look, Ai. I'm not very bright, so you'll have to explain it to me. Why not?" 

"I'm—" Ai lets go of Ranmaru's hand. "I told you. There are—a lot of things you don't know about me. And you said—anyone can say anything. I can't—I don't know how to take this leap of faith, Ranmaru." 

Ranmaru smiles thinly. "Okay," he says. He shoves his hands back into his pockets. "I get it. I'm sorry." 

"Ranmaru—" 

"This is the last time," Ranmaru says, suddenly. His back is turned towards Ai. "This is the last time I'm asking, okay? You said no. I won't ask again." 

Ranmaru's back is straight. There is a harsh polite edge to his voice. 

"Ranmaru," Ai says softly. "I'm sorry." 

"No," Ranmaru says. "Don't be." 

 

*

 

The bus ride back is quiet. Ai holds the manta ray plush Ranmaru bought for him at the gift store. Ranmaru fiddles with the jellyfish keychain Ai bought for him at the gift store. 

"Ranmaru," Ai says. "I had fun today." 

"Me too," Ranmaru says, politely. His fingers dig into the edges of the jellyfish keychain. "It was good." 

"Thank you for buying me this." Ai strokes the top of the manta ray plush's fuzzy head. 

"You too," Ranmaru replies, mechanically. "Thanks for the keychain." 

They don't talk after that. Ranmaru covers his face with his arm. Ai holds his plush to his chest and pretends he doesn't see the way the evening sun glistens off Ranmaru's face. 

 

*

 

"Okay!" Reiji claps his hands together. "Tell big brother Reiji all about your date!" 

"It wasn't a date," Ai says. 

"Hmm?" Reiji tilts his head. "You guys had fun right? If you had fun then it's a date!" 

Ai clenches his fists in his lap. "It was fun. But it wasn't a date." 

"Aiai," Reiji says, solemnly. He speaks with uncommon levity, dangling from the edge of his chair. "If you like him, then you should tell him." 

"I don't—" 

"Otherwise," Reiji interrupts, steepling his fingers together, "it'll be too late. You know?" 

Reiji looks immovably sad. His sadness is an old one, waiting for him in every waking moment. He fiddles with his tie, playing with the knot. He stares out the window into the cold unforgiving landscape of the city. 

Ai unclenches his fists. "I know," he whispers. 

Reiji smiles. The sudden radiance of it makes Ai blink. For some reason, the corners of his eyes are wet. 

"It'll be okay," Reiji says. 

Outside the window, snow falls in quiet drifts from the sky. 

 

*

 

"Go to the beach with me," Ai says, suddenly. 

Ranmaru blinks at him. "What?" 

"Go to the beach with me," Ai repeats. 

"No one goes to the beach in the middle of winter." Ranmaru props his feet up on the table. His bass bag sits next to his feet, jellyfish keychain swaying lightly from the zipper. 

"I know. But still, I want to go." 

"You really like the ocean, huh?" 

"I want to watch the sunset. I already checked your schedule. It's an off-day for the both of us." 

Ranmaru shrugs. "Sure," he says, plucking at his bass, "why not." 

Relief swells in Ai's chest. He says nothing. The jellyfish keychain continues swaying gently to its own tempo. 

 

*

 

The ocean waves crash against the shore, speckling pale foam over sand. Ai breathes in salt-sweet air, wind whipping his hair around his face. Ranmaru helps him tuck his hair behind his ear, before whipping his hand back with more force than absolutely necessary. 

"Sorry." Ranmaru's shoulders tense awkwardly. "Sorry." 

"No," Ai says, quietly. "Don't be." 

Ai gazes out at the shallow dips of the shore. The ocean waves play at pushing and pulling with the sand, a give and take. The winter sea is a bit more playful than the summer one, even though it's frigid. At four in the afternoon, the blue sky gives Ranmaru's hair a gentle sheen. 

"I have something to tell you." 

"Hmm?" Ranmaru leans down. "Can't hear you over the wind." 

Ai breathes in deeply. "I have something to tell you!" His voice is as loud as he can muster. 

"What is it?" Ranmaru suddenly looks concerned. "Is it Camus. Do I have to kill him?" 

"Ranmaru," Ai says. "I'm a robot." 

There is silence. Ai almost believes Ranmaru must not have heard him. The ocean waves and unyielding wind roar loud in his ears. He slows, and stops, shoes biting into the sand. 

"I had my money on aliens." Ranmaru hunches up in his jacket. "I was reading a manga—and the aliens had really big eyes. Big, pretty eyes. And I thought—alien conspiracy theory: what if Ai was an alien?" 

His answer shocks Ai into silence. 

"You know," Ranmaru continues, unperturbed, "I think robots are pretty cool." 

Somehow, Ai's expression crumples. His fingers dig firmly into his palm. He stares up at the sky, past Ranmaru's impassive profile, and the tears come like a torrential wave. 

"Hey," Ranmaru says, slow and surprised. "Hey, it's okay. You're a robot. It's okay." 

"Yes," Ai says, speaking slowly. His voice runs thin. "It's okay that I'm a robot." 

"Yeah?" Ranmaru looks confused. He runs his hands through his hair, rubbing at his neck. 

"Ranmaru," Ai says, wiping his wet face with guttural bewilderment. He suffers through Ranmaru's greatness. "You're so—"

Ai doesn't finish his sentence. He tries, but his words tangle into a choked back sob. 

"Ai—" 

"I didn't believe you." Ai bites his bottom lip in an attempt to quiet himself. It doesn't work. "I didn't believe you! I couldn't understand—it didn't make sense. I'm sorry." 

"I know," Ranmaru says. He stares towards the ocean, straight forward. The lines of his mouth are soft. "That's why—I didn't think I would make you so unhappy. That's why I stopped. Because it sucks, that I made you so unhappy. It really does." 

Ai shakes his head desperately. "That's not it. Ranmaru, that's not it. I wasn't unhappy." 

"It's okay," Ranmaru says. His smile is thin around the edges. "If Camus laughs at me I'll kill him. That's all." 

"I like you," Ai says. 

"I know." 

"You know?" 

"Yeah," Ranmaru says. He seems confused again. "I mean. It's obvious, right?" Ranmaru seems so confident, so sure of himself. Ai doesn't know how he does it. 

"Look," Ranmaru says. "I've never doubted your feelings. I was thinking about that, actually. About the thing you said—feelings and emotions. Maybe you're the guy with a lot of emotions. And I'm just hungry. Maybe that's why I asked you out in the first place." 

Ai stares at him. "I thought," he says, scrubbing at his wet cheeks, "that you wouldn't be happy. With me. I thought about that. I think about it a lot." 

"You're not me," Ranmaru says, gently. 

"I thought I could understand your thought process," Ai says. "But I can't. And I want to. So teach me more about yourself, Ranmaru." 

"Ai," Ranmaru says, almost urgently. As though a sudden thought has occurred to him that he has to speak up about. "Ai! Can I ask you one last time?" 

Ai laughs, forceful and ugly, grabbing Ranmaru into a tearful hug. Ranmaru's arms squeeze around his waist. 

"Please," Ai says. "Go ahead." 

Behind them, the sun begins to set. Everything is stained in pink and orange and yellow. That's the spectrum of scattering of white light. It turns everything glittering and beautiful and precious. 

"I like you," Ranmaru whispers, his head bent against Ai's shoulder, resting there. "Go out with me?" 

Ai curls his fingers into Ranmaru's jacket. He doesn't know how long they stand there, holding each other. 

"Okay," Ai says.

Ranmaru's laughter is bright and delighted. He twirls Ai around, promptly loses his balance, and sends them both crashing down onto soft sand. They lie there in each other's arms, dyed in sunset colors, laughing and twining their fingers together. Ai has sand in his jacket and sand in his hair, but for some reason, in this particular moment, he can't bring himself to care. Ranmaru's fingers are cold, but when he leans down to kiss Ai, his mouth is warm. 

Beyond them, the ocean roars.

**Author's Note:**

> really this is romance


End file.
